11th day

Hello, I am just here sharing what comes to me, nothing more and nothing less than that. Today I had a bad experience when I woke up this morning after getting highly drunk the night before with my friends, it was... I had fear and I was angry too, because with the alcohol still in my body I felt very lost, I was like, who am I? I just woke up and the past days I woke up and I did something but I wake up this time and there is nothing here, this is the life, this is my mind. In this particular state I felt: who am I? Why trust desteni about being against my own mind? I felt a dead of my spirit. This process is not really about desteni, it's about myself. I find that desteni helps my heart, in the sence that it can fly higher! It's more independent, and not like I am independent because I need it because I desire to be this, it's more like a true state of being that you get nothing from.  So now I have clear why I have trusted desteni, why I have changed in the last months,…

10th day

So I was thinking that in my life I have been very sad, as a child. I would justify that sadness with a lot of things I desired to be and I could not be, and in that sadness I would for example imagine me already as a grown up person, for example with 20 years, and imagining what would I say to myself in that moment. Do you know what I used to imagine? For example... a person saying you must work very hard or you will be a failure! you must be more than you are! And at the same time, sometimes I imagined that future me deffending me from the people hurting me. It's curious how I did't notice what I was doing to myself, in one hand I was saying pain to myself becuase it's the reality, and in the other hand I was deffending myself because that's what I wanted my future self for, to protect me and help me.

Now that I am a mature person, I would say something so beautiful to that child, that he would cry, it would be like exactly those words he has never spoken, the same e…

9th day

Today I woke up in a particular state of mind. I always wake up in my mind, because for me to understand what is going on in the moment I wake up my mind must start to work and create, must be very interesting if one day I just wake up and I am in absolute silence, but it's not what happens to me, it's more like I wake up my perception of reality wakes up after that and then slowly I start look at it and its nature changes, sometimes it changes completely, that's when I am spired and powerfull and I open a lot of points, other times it changes partially, and I have an altered state of mind during the day, it's not an absolute mind state, but a mind state after all, and within that obviously I experiment no fredom to create solutions, the get out of the cages of perceptions and assumptions. And this in a moment changes when I listen to sunnete interviews or I see content of desteni or blogs, it brings me fredom! So I am gonna stop seeing content, to grow my own internal…

8th day!

I was thinking about how I used to suffer because of my mind and my energies experiences, what one thinks that is what is going on in existence. How I used meditation and spirituality to escape from that, how when in the days I used to stop reading the beautiful words my mind would start to suffer again and I would feel fear, fear of going to the same state of a locked mind I could not handle alone. So I was thinking about how with desteni I understood the real answer, responsability, and how I still have that mark that I used to feel months ago and during my whole life, a mark of... you are not free, there is no solution, you are powerless, and I covered this sensation with a lot of things in my life. With desteni I stopped having fear and accepted my own responsability. I had already stopped consuming drugs before I found these people so they came in the best moment possible. I used to think nah, this way top stop suffering, this view about my mind in a free state from this bad perc…

Seventh day

I am going to a jazz concert and I almost forget to write myself so I am typing from my phone and this one will be short.

I am learning, or remembering, aswell as discovering who I really am in every breath. Oness and equality is a very beautiful concept and it means a lot for me, when at the same it means the nothingness that is me, the real nothingness.

I have listened to almost the entire serie of what is sex, and I am learning a lot, veey helpfull because sex was a big source of energy for me and I wanted to understand it.


The sixth day

Wow it's 23:59 here in spain, I almost forgot to write myself!!! just in time, I don't care if It's 0:00 now, nothing happened. I must say that when lifes go as you want you feel powerfull, like no barriers, just a feeling of being fine in the present moment... I can't know how usual is that in our humans world, but for me... I will say it, really, I lost it at the age of 5, these moments of complete awareness of myself with my heart by my side? From the age of 5 I separated from that, and how can I tell you exactly the ammount of happyness that I had with 5, the ammount that I lost, the ammount I have now... It's just impossible that we ever know each other, but I know my process and I can talk about it. When I feel inspired I just want to play the guitar, but I am writing now.
It's funny this random talk, no goals, no motivation, no needs, complete awareness in the moment. You can do what you want with this text, I know what I am creating in it and with it.

Fifth day

Hello, I feel more inspired today, I perceive inspiration as a force of doing, of creating, of enjoying creation, of seeing a purpose, of seeing that what has to be done is done. I am learning a lot with desteni, if I am clear and sincere I feel some kind of afection to all this people working in this process, this comes from the fact that the time I have been seeing the message of desteni has had a big impact in my life. In the past I did felt this reaction in me, the reaction of... seeing a content that is true, that knows you better than yourself, and that puts you against your mind, I considered myself an spiritual person, that just means I made an ego with it, my ego became stronger, it was with desteni that I could really have all the answers, and have the practical aplication of how to do it, I just love that combination. You receive all the information, there is no hidden menssage that the person is keeping to himself, and you also receive the practical aplication. So it's…